Always On My Mind
by Exintaris
Summary: THE FINAL CHAPTER! Ross and Rachel's date and what follows.
1. Chapter 1

Author's Note: Okay, I mentioned this a while back, and now that I feel happy with first chapter and have much of a second, I think I will launch it. This is dedicated to Imagine What If, whose thoughtful reviews of The One With Ross Without Rachel I have greatly valued. She is passionate about the Ross-Rachel relationship, and so this is a peace offering to her and all you lobster-lovers out there, to make up for the hard time I've given Ross and Rachel in recent stories, especially the one just mentioned (you can find short Ross and Rachel get-togethers that I wrote a long time ago in Suppose Things Had Gone a Different Way chs 3, 4 and 6). It won't be straightforward – very little that I write is – but let's see if I can get them together again more plausibly (and earlier!) than in the show, and maybe deal with the problems I have raised previously about whether a relationship between them could actually work long-term.

The title is taken from a haunting Willie Nelson song (you can find him singing it onYouTube; Elvis also gives it a fair shot). Some of the song, at least, seems appropriate to what Ross might feel, though the Johnny Cash song I Still Miss Someone, which I also considered for the title of this story, is maybe even more so.

The story starts just after the action of 6,14, The One Where Chandler Can't Cry. I do not know if anyone has chosen this before for the start of a Ross and Rachel story (if a reader knows, I'd be happy to be told in a review or message),. This piece of dialogue from the next to final scene in 6,14 will remind readers of the immediate background.

**Ross:** Let me finish, okay? She started kissing me and, and I didn't stop it. I guess I, I just wasn't thinking …

**Rachel:** Yeah, that's right, you weren't thinking! Y'know what? Let me give you something to think about! (She pulls up her sleeves and steps towards him)

**Ross:** Oh wait – hold it! But then I started thinking and I stopped the kissing.

**Rachel:** Oh, well, thank you for taking your tongue out of my sister's mouth long enough to tell me that.

**Ross:** Look, I, I realised, if anything were to happen with me and Jill, then nothing could ever happen with us!

**Rachel: **(in quite a different tone) What?

**Ross:** No, I mean, look, I don't know if anything is going to happen with us ... again ... ever. But I don't want to know that it, it never could ... So I stopped it ... and she got mad and broke my projector.

**Rachel: **(very emotional, almost tearful) Wow. I, I don't even know what to say. Thank you. (Gently taps him with raised foot)

**Ross:** You're welcome. (Gently taps back)

(Chandler starts crying)

**Monica:** Oh my god! Are, are you crying?

**Chandler:** (crying hysterically) I just don't see why those two can't work things out!

[On which one can only comment, "Don't we all?"]

Some words of Ross's from 5,23 are also quoted below.

-----

Chapter 1

Rachel tossed and turned, unable to relax into sleep. Her mind was in turmoil, continually replaying the scene with Ross. After all these years, for Ross to have made it so plain that he still had strong feelings for her, strong enough to hope that something could happen between them again, some day. Even after the Vegas fiasco and all the trouble it caused between them, even after her final admission that it was her drunken idea to get married in the first place, he still wanted this. Was that his real reason for not wanting to get a divorce, annulment, whatever, not just an unwillingness to be the man with three divorces? She now regretted that she had treated him so roughly, if that was so. She wished she could talk it over with Monica, but of course that was not possible that night, and Phoebe would not be pleased to be woken up.

And still Rachel was not at all sure what she felt about all this. The whole Vegas business had shown up one of Ross's worst characteristics, his inability to be honest when it was most needed. If he did not want a divorce because he was still in love with her, why couldn't he say so? She had to admit, though, that any such statement would have fallen on stony ground with her, after his total failure to acknowledge that staying married to him would not be a mere bureaucratic formality, it would mean that she could never marry anyone else ... She paused in her thoughts. Was that the product of a subconscious drive towards her, that he could not even contemplate the possibility that she might marry someone else? But he himself was certainly capable of contemplating marrying someone else; in fact, he had done it.

She sighed. What they really needed to do was to sit down and talk completely openly about their feelings for each other, but they had never been good at that. However, she decided that she would make a determined effort to get Ross alone and have a heart to heart talk. Having made up her mind to this, she was finally able to go to sleep.

When they next met in Central Perk, Rachel said, "Ross, I've been thinking. Can your slide projector be repaired?"

Looking a little surprised, he said, "I've been making enquiries. It looks like it'd be a lot less hassle just to buy a new one."

"Oh, that's too bad," she said sympathetically. "How much do they cost? Maybe I should go halves with you, since it's partly my fault it got broken."

Ross looked even more surprised, then gave her one of his heart-stopping smiles. "That's very generous of you, Rachel, but you don't have to do that. I can get a pretty good deal through the U."

"Well, um, look," she said, thinking fast, "why don't we go out to dinner somewhere and I'll pay, as kind of an apology? Because I did give you a hard time over the whole Jill thing, and I'm ... sort of sorry for that now."

Ross looked pleased. "Well, thank you, I'm not gonna say no to that."

The others exchanged significant glances while Ross and Rachel arranged that she would go to his apartment after 6, and she went back to work feeling quite pleased with herself. But she had hardly reached her desk when the phone rang. It was Monica.

"Inviting Ross to dinner?" she said. "Sweetie, what's up?"

Rachel was prepared for something like this. "Well, you know, I was really touched by what he said last night, it was kind of sweet. So I wanted to see how I felt about him, and whether I could actually think about us getting back together. Because it was, well, I thought it was clear, he wants that. So I'm gonna try to get him to talk about it over dinner."

"M'm," Monica went reflectively. "Well, no one would be more pleased than me if you got back together, sweetie, but … I'd be careful. I'm not sure he's really ready for that right now, whatever he said. I think it's just kind of a dream he has. My feeling is, after all you've been through with each other, you guys need a period of just getting along better and drawing closer again before you can start thinking about dating."

"Okay, I'll bear that in mind," said Rachel a little irritably. She never liked it when Monica said things about her and Ross that made good sense.

-----

Phoebe looked up in surprise as Rachel stormed into their apartment when the evening was not far advanced.

"What's up, hun?" she said. "Didn't the dinner date go well?"

"No, it did _not_ go well," Rachel snarled. "Because, guess what? Ross thought I was coming on to him for a night of sex!"

"Well, um, wasn't that, like, at the back of your mind?" Phoebe asked.

"No, it was _not!_" Rachel said emphatically. "I wanted to _talk_, about our feelings for each other. But evidently he can only see me as an easy lay who is hot for him! I should have known, after that time he came over, the night before we went to Vegas."

"Tell me about that," said Phoebe sympathetically. "I didn't hear that anything happened that night."

Rachel looked rather embarrassed, and her tone changed. "Oh, well, well, it wasn't something either of us wanted to talk about, in fact we agreed to forget it. What it was, I was trying out that thing of yours, you know, going naked in the apartment, and he saw me from his window and thought I was doing it to attract him, and so he came over. But he said, it would be 'just about tonight', which meant, what was it, oh yeah, 'the physical act of love', and he didn't wanna go through with it if it was 'going to raise the question of us'." She glared into the distance.

Ignoring this, Phoebe said excitedly, "Ooh, ooh, you tried going naked? Doesn't it feel great? You wanna try it again? Ross can't see us here." She giggled, her eyes bright as she looked at Rachel hopefully.

"Er, no thanks, Pheebs, I'll pass," said Rachel, feeling definitely uneasy. Was Phoebe actually coming on to her?

But Phoebe simply shrugged and said "Suit yourself", not seeming at all put out.

Rachel was relieved. Maybe Phoebe just didn't see being naked in the presence of another woman, also naked, as anything to get worried or excited about. It would be just like her.

The following morning she asked Phoebe not to reveal what she had told her.

"No point in spreading more embarrassment around," she said. "I just wanna forget about the whole thing."

"Okay, hun," said Phoebe cheerfully.

-----

As he walked to Central Perk the next day, Ross felt confused and unhappy. He had thought that he and Rachel were getting along really well, and then she chose to get mad because he suggested that they take things to what was obviously the next stage. He couldn't understand it. They'd been lovers for a year, and when they got together again after the beach house they went to bed together as soon as they could. Okay, that ended badly, but ... what was her problem? To him, it seemed a natural way to start reviving the love that had never really gone away, that was probably what drove them, drunk as they were, to get married in Vegas. He rather suspected that they had made love then, too, or done something anyway, although he didn't remember it.

He sighed heavily. Oh, there was Central Perk. He tried to assume a nonchalant expression, to suggest to Rachel that he was not going to make a big deal out of it all. But as it turned out, that was unnecessary; she was not in yet.

"So, how did the Big Date go?" said Joey insinuatingly, waggling his eyebrows.

"Oh ... okay," said Ross, still striving for nonchalance.

Phoebe gave a little bark of a laugh, but she didn't say anything.

"You know something Ross isn't telling us?" said Chandler, turning towards her.

"Oh, no, no," Phoebe said dismissively.

"Come on, Rachel must have told you something," Joey pressed.

"Look, can you leave it, guys, okay?" said Ross, irritated. "It's a, a private thing."

Joey looked at Chandler. "Doesn't sound like it went well," he said rather despondently.

Chandler nodded, grinning a little. "That could be five bucks you owe me, on top of everything else."

Just at that point Rachel appeared. She took in who was present, said "Hi, Pheebs, Chandler, Joey," brightly, then, after a distinct pause and with notably less enthusiasm, "Hi to you too, Ross – or should I call you Joey the second?"

Ross was not the only one who looked puzzled by this remark.

"Why would you do that, Rachel?" Chandler asked after a moment.

"Well, doesn't Joey more or less assume that any girl he dates is gonna go to bed with him like right away?" said Rachel, with a satirical glance at Ross.

Joey simply grinned, apparently not at all fazed by this reflection on his character, but Ross flushed.

"Five bucks, please," said Chandler, holding out a hand to Joey.

Joey reached into his pocket. "Er, I don't have it – " he began, but was interrupted by Rachel.

"What's this, you had some kind of bet about my date with Ross?" she asked, sounding amused rather than anything else.

"He was optimistic about it. I bet him it wouldn't go well," Chandler explained.

"Well, I'm glad you didn't put much money on it, Joey," said Rachel, "but after all this time, you should have known better." She seemed about to say more, but then stopped herself, and said, "Okay, subject closed. Let's talk about something else."

Ross felt grateful for that small mercy, but the whole scene made him think. If he and Rachel could still be at such cross-purposes, was there any future for them? Might it not be better to make a really determined effort to get her out of his mind and find someone else? Of course, his previous attempt to do just that, with Emily, had failed. But he thought he had learned from that, at least to date someone who could always be around. He nodded to himself; yes, that's what he ought to do, get her out of his mind.


	2. Chapter 2

Chapter 2

Author's note: Sorry this has taken some time to appear. Earlier attempts proved to have major flaws, as helpfully pointed out by Jana and Cress.

I have played with the chronology of events in the show just a little, where they're mentioned at all. I am only including events that I think are important to the plot, and as you will have perceived they are already proceeding differently from the show's sequence.

A little dialogue below comes from episode 6,19.

-----

"Rachel, got a question," Phoebe said, as they were sitting together in her apartment, Rachel looking through a catalogue and Phoebe at a magazine that she was not really interested in.

Rachel looked up. "Okay, Pheebs, what do you want to know?"

"Just what did Ross say that was so bad?" Phoebe said in a serious tone, as if really wanting to know. "I mean, he's not the kind to say really sleazy stuff."

Rachel looked a little embarrassed. "Well, you know, when I tell you, probably you won't think it was so bad, but you have to understand how I was feeling. I guess Ross thought we were getting on really well, or he wouldn't have said it, but what was really happening was, he was talking, talking, talking, all about his job at the U. and his research, and I was listening and nodding, and I could see that he was getting a great bang out of having me listen and nod and say the right thing now and then, the way I used to do when we were dating. But I was getting _so _frustrated, because I wanted him to stop, so we could get us started on what_ I_ wanted to talk about, which was how we truly felt about each other. So, well, finally he did stop, though maybe it was only to refresh himself, because he took a big gulp of his wine. Anyway, I grabbed the opportunity and said how I got the idea he still had feelings for me, from what he said when I was yelling at him about Jill, and I wanted to talk about that. So," Rachel paused and seemed to grit her teeth for a moment, "he gives me this big goofy grin, and says, 'Well, baby, why don't you come back to my place, so I can show you what I feel about you?'"

Phoebe groaned sympathetically. "He must have had too much to drink. That's a Joey line, not a Ross one."

"Right," Rachel snapped. "Well, it made me mad, as you might expect, and I jumped up and said, like, if the only interest he had in me was sexual, he could stick to his memories, and I marched right out of there."

Phoebe was looking thoughtful, and said nothing for a moment. Then she nodded and sat up straighter. "Rach, I can see why that would make you mad, sure, but you know what? I think Ross has a problem that you didn't take into account, which may explain why he rushed it like that."

"Yeah?" said Rachel, sounding sceptical.

"The poor guy is simply desperate for sex," Phoebe said, "and that could easily affect the way he behaves, especially when he's had a few drinks. Likely he thought, you were getting on so well, it was like you were back together already. I mean, you went to bed together just as soon as you got back from the beach house, didn't you?"

"Yeah, we did, but that was _different_," Rachel protested, "and a whole lot has happened between us since then, that changes things." She paused and began to looked thoughtful. "You really think it's that bad with him?" she said after a moment.

"Yeah!" said Phoebe emphatically. "I mean, who is the last person we _know_ he hooked up with? Janice! And that's over a year ago, and their 'relationship' " – she made quote marks with her fingers – "didn't last any time at all."

"He's had dates since then, surely?" Rachel said, now sounding worried.

"Well ..." Phoebe's brow wrinkled. "There was that Jen girl in his apartment block, but I don't think that went anywhere ..."

"Uh-huh," said Rachel, who also looked as if she was trying to remember, "and there was Caitlin the pizza girl – I got her phone number for him – but I just now realise, we never heard any more about that ..."

"And neither of you seems able to remember what you might have done, that night you got married in Vegas," said Phoebe casually. "But if you can't remember, it's like you didn't do anything."

Rachel winced at this reminder of an episode she wished she could forget. "Yeah," she said gruffly, hoping her tone would discourage Phoebe from pursuing the topic.

"You got to hand it to him," said Phoebe after a few more moments' silence. "Your sister Jill was a hot little number, and he might have been really tempted, but he held himself back there."

"Yeeeah," said Rachel slowly. She had to admit, this way of looking at it did make Ross's behaviour in that episode seem even better than she had thought. She sighed, wishing that she had not allowed her still ambivalent feelings about him to make her so ready to mistrust him.

"Okay," she said. "I won't be mean. I ... I'll try to be nice to him."

"That's right," said Phoebe, beaming. "You guys are meant to be. You're lobsters!"

So Rachel decided to show Ross something like the old friendliness they had shared, before the whole Jill thing blew up. The next time she arrived in Central Perk, to find him already there with the others, she gave him a big smile and said, "Ross, I don't want us to be mad at each other. I think now, I overreacted some, that night, and I'm sorry for walking out on you. Let's forget it."

Everyone except Phoebe looked at her in surprise. Ross seemed particularly taken aback, and said, "Okay, Rachel," rather stiffly.

Thinking that he needed further encouragement, she adopted a playful tone. "So here's something we didn't discuss. Did you ever date Caitlin the pizza girl, in the end?"

Looking a little flustered, he shook his head. "I felt ... sort of embarrassed," he said. "I couldn't forget all that crap I was talking about gas, and I didn't think she'd be able to forget it either."

"That's a shame," Rachel said lightly, "after all the effort I put into talking you up."

"You, you talked me up?" he said, evidently surprised.

"Why, sure," she replied. "Had to dispell the gas." She giggled. "Now I remember, I did it with Jill too, though, um, that might be called a mistake." She smiled at him as she said this, to show that she was not holding the Jill business against him.

Seeing that Monica, Chandler and Joey were all looking at her incredulously, she said to them, "It wasn't hard to do. Ross was a great boyfriend, most of the time. If it wasn't for certain events that we need not recall ..." She left it there.

There was a distinct silence for a moment, while they all looked at Ross. He shrugged, looking embarrassed, and mumbled, "Well, thanks."

Rachel just refrained from sighing and rolling her eyes. What more could she do to signal to him that she was in a forgiving and receptive frame of mind? But she noticed how, later in the evening, Ross would occasionally glance at her in a questioning way. She felt she had gone as far as she was willing to, and said nothing more. But she did smile when he looked at her, and hoped that she had given him food for thought.

Yet the next day he still seemed rather uneasy in her presence, and she wondered if somehow she had permanently scared him off. Realising that this might take quite a while, just as it had taken her quite a while to accept that she might forgive him over Chloe, she did not go out of her way after that to say or do anything special, but simply maintained her friendly attitude towards him, and he seemed to be thawing more.

But then he showed another side of himself that she was tending to overlook in her change of feelings about him. Phoebe and she had gone together to a self-defence class, and when they showed up in Central Perk they were feeling pleased with themselves. But Ross questioned their preparedness to defend themselves against an unexpected attack, and spoke arrogantly of having studied "kara-tay" a long time and learned the principle of "unagi". A typical argument then developed, with Ross insisting that this was a state of total awareness and Phoebe that it was freshwater eel sushi, which made Rachel suddenly hungry for sushi. They were interrupted when Chandler appeared, in a panic because he had no ideas for a late Valentine's present for Monica, and she hoped that was the last they would hear of "unagi".

But she had not allowed for Ross's obstinacy. He simply would not let the thing go. In his determination to show the importance of "unagi", he made repeated attempts to surprise them. He refused to accept defeat, even after they spotted him hiding once and showed they could overpower him, but finally overreached himself by mistaking two other women for them and pretending to attack them. He had to run away very fast.

By this time Rachel was feeling considerable irritation, and talking with Phoebe that night before they went to bed, she expressed her feelings.

"You know, Pheebs, this whole unagi thing showed Ross at his worst," she said rather fiercely. "He was so self-opinionated and stubborn, and I'll bet he's gonna act like it's all our fault that he got a real scare from those women. Maybe I should give up this idea of getting back with him. What do you say?"

Phoebe sighed. "True enough, he has shown some of his bad side. But, Rach, like they say, nobody's perfect. Don't you think, in his way, he was showing his concern for your safety?"

But Rachel remained unsure how to behave towards Ross after that. He seemed ill at ease with her also, and as a result they were rather wary around each other. So she was no more than mildly interested when Ross came into Central Perk one day all excited about a very flattering teaching evaluation that had been written by one of his students, that even called him "the hottie of the paleontology department". While the evaluation was anonymous and it was not clear that it had even been written by a girl, Ross indicated that he couldn't date a student anyway, because teacher-student relationships were frowned on in the U. She got private amusement from imagining the kind of student who might crush on Ross, envisioning an archetypal nerd, with heavy glasses, poor complexion, and a fat ass.

Then something important intervened to take her mind, and everyone else's, off this. Through her carelessness, as it turned out, there was a fire in Phoebe's apartment. It was caught before it got too far, but all her possessions were ruined, and she and Phoebe had to find somewhere else to live while the apartment was being cleaned and redecorated. After some changing around, because it was not clear at first whose fault it was, Phoebe got Rachel's old room in Chandler and Monica's apartment, while Rachel moved in with Joey. His apartment smelt and he seemed to have little concept of hygiene, but she found living with him relaxing, compared with Monica's obsessive over-attentiveness.

Adapting to all these changes and starting to rebuild her wardrobe took most of her attention in the following days. So it was all the more of a surprise to discover that Ross had actually begun to date his student admirer, a girl named Elizabeth. She had openly admitted to Ross that she wrote the evaluation and had given him a lot of encouragement, which naturally had the desired effect. Ross took her on a date, evidently it went well, and they continued to date, even when he was told by other professors that it was against the rules.

When she heard this, Rachel thought that Ross must really like Elizabeth. The idea made her feel slightly upset, but not as much as getting a first sight of Elizabeth, when Ross brought her into Central Perk to introduce her to them all. She was really very cute, not at all what Rachel had envisioned, and she seemed very self-possessed, not shy of meeting Ross's friends or overawed by his status as a professor, really quite mature, in fact, as Monica had reported Ross saying. Rachel joined in the general kidding of Ross about Elizabeth's youth after she left, but her heart was not really in it.

It was Joey, of all people, who intervened on Ross's side. "Hey hey, come on, you guys, give him a break," he said. "Ross, seriously, how's it going with her?"

"Well, actually it's been great," Ross said happily. "She's twenty, so she's not looking for anything too serious, which is perfect for me right now."

Mentally Rachel erected a great big question mark over that statement. It reminded her of things Ross had said before, and she could see, even if Ross himself couldn't, that his interest in Elizabeth went way beyond the casual.

When she was next alone with Monica she said, "Did you believe Ross there, when he said he was fine with Elizabeth not wanting anything too serious?"

"Obviously you don't," Monica responded, looking at her questioningly.

Rachel gave a firm shake of the head. "I doubt if Ross is capable of having a non-serious relationship with a woman. Look what happened with Emily; they agreed that was to be just a two-week romance, but he couldn't stick to that, he wanted it to go on. Look at how down in the mouth he seemed when Janice dumped him, even."

"Well, there was Bonnie," said Monica thoughtfully. "That seemed to be just a fun relationship, but it didn't last long enough to tell. H'm ... but don't you think Elizabeth's very young for Ross? Can he really take her seriously?"

"Bet you he can," said Rachel. "Bet you ten bucks he shows signs of typical Ross jealousy and possessiveness within a month. No, wait, I'll give you better odds – within three weeks."

Instantly Monica took the bet, and almost instantly Rachel suspected she had a winner, when she heard that Elizabeth was going to Florida for two weeks in the spring break. This looked likely to offer plenty of scope for Ross's possessiveness. But before she could get much idea of what was going on she was distracted by her need to find a date for a charity ball she had to attend, because Ralph Lauren had bought a table. Appealing to her friends led to a contest in which Phoebe displayed a remarkable level of competitiveness, rivalling Monica's, but between them they contrived to torpedo the whole project, frightening away a nice man she had managed to meet and so annoying her that she had no time for either of their candidates. She went to the ball on her own, expecting a tedious evening, but by what she afterwards considered great good luck she happened to get talking to a man at the next table whose date had cancelled at the last minute. He quickly moved to her side, and things proceeded very satisfactorily, so much so that she wound up spending the night with him. She found this enjoyable, but had no wish to take things any further; luckily, again, he felt exactly the same way.

Then she was able to turn her attention to Ross and Elizabeth again, and discovered that, as she had suspected, Ross was going into classic jealousy mode. But even she could not have predicted the finale, when it became evident that, unable to bear the thought of Elizabeth having too much of a good time with guys of her own age, Ross had gone down to join her in Florida without telling anyone. They found this out because he sent a message to Joey to watch the Spring Break show on MTV, and there was Ross, cavorting to the music in t-shirt and shorts opposite Elizabeth in a bikini.

"Oooh professor Geller!" she groaned. Was this the man she had seriously considered getting back together with? Couldn't he see how ridiculous he looked among all those kids, barely into their twenties if that? How could he show himself up so? She shook her head, feeling something like despair.

Monica handed over ten bucks readily enough. "Further proof of my brother's tendency to go nuts around women," she commented with a rueful expression.

Rachel smiled sympathetically and patted her on the shoulder. "The way I see it, all men are nuts sometimes, Mon," she said. "But Ross seems to be especially good at it."


	3. Chapter 3

Chapter 3

Author's Note: Several pieces of dialogue below come from episode 6,21. Ross's revelation about his dating life with Rachel, referred to early on, is made in episode 5,16.

-----

"You know, Mon, it wouldn't surprise me if Elizabeth was totally freaked out by Ross showing up like that," Rachel said as they were hanging out together in the apartment one evening, while Chandler was off with Joey watching baseball.

Monica looked at her quizzically. "She sure didn't look like it."

"Well, of course she wouldn't show it," said Rachel, as if this was obvious, "but if I was her, I wouldn't like the nice mature man that I was dating to start acting like some drunken student."

Monica shook her head. "That Elizabeth isn't exactly like the ordinary twenty-year old. She seems to take all sorts of things in stride. I'm sorry, sweetie, but it looks like they really are into each other."

Rachel huffed. "Like I should care."

And she really thought she meant it. Seeing Ross make a fool of himself like that had been something of a heads up for her. She felt she should give up on any idea of getting back with him and start to look around for serious dates. Of course there was a problem here, apart from the general shortage of eligible straight men in the fashion business, that Ross, for all his irritating, even infuriating characteristics, had set a high standard. That was why it had been not too difficult to give serious thought to getting back with him. Well, she was just going to have to keep her eyes open for prospects.

Ross evidently did not feel he could be absent from his department for the whole of Spring Break, for he was back in New York after a few days. But a barbed enquiry from Chandler as to whether Elizabeth had dumped him for a younger man brought a scornful laugh from Ross in response.

"Elizabeth could see the difference between me and those brain-dead jocks and party animals," he said proudly. "She told me so." Then he smirked. "And she showed it."

Rachel was aware of Monica darting a nervous glance at her, but she just shook her head, rolled her eyes, and said, "Too much information," just loud enough to be heard.

"Do you have a problem with that, Rachel?" said Ross, bending down to her in a fake-solicitous way. "I'm sorry if it upsets you."

Rachel sighed. Ross was so heavy-handed; he would never get a rise out of her that way.

"It doesn't upset me, Ross," she said. "Just don't go around telling everyone how many times you've done it with her, okay?"

Ross pulled back, looking deeply offended, while Rachel smiled to herself. It felt good to get back at him for something that had annoyed her considerably at the time, his informing that furniture store clerk that they had 'done it' two hundred and ninety eight times while dating. That he would even keep track like that demonstrated what a loser he was, of course.

After that episode Ross was cool towards Rachel for a while, which was perfectly all right with her. Their friends continued to make jokes about Elizabeth's youth, but this had no obvious effect on Ross's interest in her. Then, one Saturday when they were sitting in Central Perk, having fun with the horoscopes in her magazine, Ross came in looking harried and said that Elizabeth's dad wanted to meet him.

"Wait a minute, hold the phone!" said Chandler merrily. "You're not Elizabeth's dad?"

Ross barely reacted. "Come on, guys, I, I really want this guy to like me," he said nervously. "It, it would really help me out if you guys were here to make me look good."

Despite the jokes, everyone agreed to do this. The meeting was for later that morning, and since Rachel felt she had had enough coffee for now, she decided to look around the shops, and so was late getting back to Central Perk. She rushed in apologising, failing to spot that Elizabeth's father was already there. When he announced himself, she was surprised. Here was someone quite different from what she had imagined, a young-looking, vigorous and attractive man, who definitely awoke her interest. She wondered if he was divorced; there had been no talk of his wife.

It quickly became evident that Paul Stevens was not feeling at all friendly towards Ross, and the various stories that she and the others came up with to put Ross in a good light did not seem to be having much effect. As a result, the meeting broke up quite quickly. Rachel stayed behind to read a newly purchased magazine, and then Paul returned, looking for his keys. They were quickly found, and he was leaving again when she made a fast decision that she really could not waste this opportunity to find out something about him, and called to him, babbling "Mr. Paul!" in her haste.

He turned back and asked her to call him just Paul, which she thought a promising sign. But then she had to think of something to say, and could only come up with, "I just wanted you to know that Ross really _is_ a great guy."

Paul seemed no more impressed than before. "Well, maybe you can date him. Then that would save me the trouble of killing him," he said.

Rachel found this a strange thing to say, and laughed nervously, while continuing to study him.

"Are you okay?" he said.

She came out with what she was really thinking. "You just don't look old enough to have a twenty year old daughter."

"Well, we were very young when we had her," Paul said.

Rats, there goes my theory that he's divorced, Rachel thought, but she decided she might as well make sure. A quick exchange of question and answer made it clear that, tragically, there was no Mrs. Paul Stevens and he had raised Elizabeth on his own. Feeling genuine sympathy, she put a hand on his arm, to be very impressed by its muscular feel.

All this time she was getting the impression that he was interested in her, so she asked if he had to be anywhere soon, or would like to stay and talk for a while. To her pleasure Paul was very happy to stay and talk, and they plunged into a conversation that went so well that she was surprised to see, when she happened to glimpse her watch, that two hours had passed.

As far as she was concerned they had been two great hours. She had learned a lot about Paul and liked it all. He was mature, sophisticated, had a very successful legal practice, she found him physically attractive, and altogether he seemed just the kind of potentially serious date that she was looking for. She had not asked his exact age, but he could hardly be much more than forty, going by his comment on being very young when Elizabeth was born. So we're likely closer together in age than Ross and Elizabeth, she thought.

What was even more encouraging was that he was showing every sign of being seriously interested. Deciding to strike while the iron was hot, she invited him to have coffee in the apartment, well aware that this was lame when they were in a coffee house, but not able to come up with any other excuse to get him on his own. He glanced around Central Perk with a quirky smile, but said he would be delighted. Of course, when they got into the apartment coffee was forgotten. She gave him a look she had perfected, and at once they began kissing, moving slowly over to the couch.

Which would have been fine, and Rachel would have been very happy for it to lead further, but Paul seemed not to want to rush things and she was not going to force the pace herself. So they had not progressed beyond kissing when Ross walked in, looking for Joey. He looked stunned to see them together, and Rachel, her mind in a whirl, came out with the dumb statement, "I was getting him to like you," as an explanation.

Paul soon left this rather embarrassing situation, promising to call her, and Ross went into one of his nearly incoherent series of half-asked questions. She finally got him to listen and explained the circumstances, but Ross still seemed freaked out. Becoming impatient, she asked what the big deal was about kissing Paul.

"He's my girlfriend's father, okay? It's, it's, it's weird!" Ross spluttered.

Rachel reminded him that he had dated her sister, but Ross protested that that was different.

"What! Why?" she demanded, beginning to get really irritated with him.

"This is weird for _me_!" Ross cried.

Mentally Rachel sighed. That was Ross in a nutshell. Whatever affected him personally always carried more weight in his view than what affected anyone else. But she had to admit, he did have a sort of point, when she remembered how freaked out she had been over him dating Jill, and so she sought for a way to calm him down. Luckily one was close to hand, which she had in fact already used to explain the kissing. She eagerly pointed out that she could use being close to Paul to get him to like Ross, and suggested a dinner party where she could talk him up. Ross accepted this, but so reluctantly that Rachel wondered whether it wasn't just the weirdness, but the fact that she, his ex, was obviously showing serious interest in someone else.

A dinner date for the four of them was duly arranged, and she went determined to do her best for Ross as well as to developing her promising connection with Paul. She decided that if necessary she would bring out a very personal memory, and when she could tell that she was not making much headway otherwise she went ahead with this. Once it became clear what story she was going to tell, Ross looked very embarrassed and evidently wished she wouldn't, but she ignored him and her own misgivings about revealing something so personal. It was the story of her prom night, and how Ross had been persuaded by his parents to step into the breach, when it looked like she had been stood up by her date Chip Matthews. But Chip had shown up in the time it took Ross to get ready, and there was poor Ross, left standing. She found that she needed considerable self-control not to gulp when she remembered the heart-wringingly sad expression on his face, caught on the video shot by his mother.

"What a nice story!" said Elizabeth enthusiastically.

"So," said Paul, "Ross was in college and decided to jump at the chance to take a young girl to her high school prom." The tone of his voice implied that Ross's sole motive was to seduce her.

Rachel looked at Paul in surprise that he should be so deliberately mean. Feeling something close to anger at this apparently wilful distortion of what to her was a precious memory, she said rather vehemently, "It wasn't like that at all! You weren't there – you didn't see the expression on his face, not just on the video, but when we watched it and he was remembering it all. He looked devastated. That's why …" She paused, not sure she wanted to go on.

Paul was looking a bit taken aback, but rallied. "That's why …" he prompted.

What can it matter now? Rachel thought. It's years ago.

"That's why I was ready to, to change my mind," she said, trying to keep her voice even – the memory was making her feel surprisingly emotional – "and, and date him. I saw, he really cared." Her voice dropped at the end, and she found herself blinking back tears as she remembered the happiness that had filled her then, when she realised that Ross really did have strong feelings for her and was capable of such warm-heartedness.

They all looked at her in surprise, even embarrassment. She swallowed, fixed her eyes on Paul, and said in a calmer voice, "So don't be so quick to judge, huh? It's natural to be protective of your daughter, but …" She groped for words. "It's just, just not fair to Ross, to suggest he's some kind of heartless seducer," she said finally. "He's not like that."

She put intensity into her gaze at Paul, who was looking almost stunned.

"Thank you, Rachel," said Ross in a very sincere tone. She turned, to see real affectionate warmth in his eyes. Oh god, she thought, when he looks at me like that, I know why I keep wondering if we could get back together. But we're over now, we really are over, aren't we?

"Fine," said Paul, who did not seem particularly moved, as if he was determined to hold onto his dislike of Ross. "How much older than you is he?"

The question was directed at Rachel, but Ross answered, "Less than two years."

Paul looked at him quellingly, and continued, "Not so big an age gap, then, but the difference between you and Lizzie is what? Twelve years?" It was asked like a challenge, almost demanding they see his side of the issue.

"There's a lot of years between you and me," Rachel felt moved to point out.

"Yes, but you're a grown woman," Paul said.

"And I'm not?" said Elizabeth indignantly. "Daddy, I'm twenty – not even a teenager any more."

Paul sighed. "Yes, but it's so hard to believe. I, I still look at you like you're a twelve-year-old girl."

"Yeah, you know what?" Ross said enthusiastically, "I know what you mean. I do that too."

Rachel groaned under her breath. Ross did have an amazing capacity to put what he wanted to say in the worst possible way. Before she could think of how to intervene, Paul had discovered the existence of Ben, and so of Carol, Ross's first wife, from Ross's babbled attempts to explain his comment.

"But he's not at all to blame for that marriage breaking up," Rachel put in as soon as she got a chance. "She left him, for a lesbian lover."

Elizabeth looked stunned. Evidently Ross had told her none of this.

Paul, the lawyer, had spotted a slight emphasis in her statement. "You say 'that marriage'," he said, looking at her shrewdly. "Have there been others?"

Ross groaned in despair. Paul skilfully extracted the story of Emily out of him, and, picking up on a glance between Ross and Rachel, the story of their drunken Vegas marriage also. Rachel did her best to put a good face on it, claiming that Ross learned something from each marriage.

"How to make the next one even shorter?" Paul said sardonically.

Rachel was now beginning to feel more and more disillusioned with Paul. She saw absolutely no need to make these smart-ass comments, or for him to behave like he was in court. Almost automatically, she moved her chair away from him; they had been sitting very close. She was further irritated by a growing need to pee, but she could not deal with that until she was sure that they were done with this business of Ross's marriages.

"You really are determined to see him in the worst possible light, aren't you?" she said rather fiercely. "Okay, he's made mistakes, but he never walked out on anyone, he never let them down."

Paul ignored that. "There's evidently quite a history between you, even leaving aside the Vegas thing," he said smoothly. "I would guess you dated for quite a while, so ... why did you break up?" He was smirking at her in a lawyer's way again, as if he thought he had a chance to force a defendant or witness into revealing something significant.

She tried to make a joke of it. "I'm gonna plead the Fifth on that," she said, "and now I really have to go to the bathroom."

When she returned, it immediately became clear that Elizabeth was defying her father to stay with Ross, who was also looking rather defiant. Paul seemed quite put out, and he turned to her as soon as she sat down.

"What did you mean, you're pleading the Fifth?" he said. "How would you be incriminating yourself?"

Rachel did not want to answer. She looked at Ross, who seemed rather perplexed. With a sigh, she decided she might as well say it.

"Well, I've come to see," she said slowly, "that it was partly my fault when we broke up the second and final time." She also felt now that she might have been partly to blame the first time, but she was not going to concede that to Ross in public.

Ross sat up straight, looking startled. "You've never said that before," he said excitedly. Elizabeth looked at him in surprise.

Rachel met Ross's gaze squarely. "I've been doing a lot of thinking lately."

His gaze softened from surprised enquiry into something else, and for a moment they held each other's gaze, and Rachel could again feel that pull to him.

But then Elizabeth shifted and said in an irritated voice, "This was all years ago, wasn't it? Can we talk about something else?"

"Oh, oh sure," said Ross hastily, looking rather guilty. "So, uh, what kind of law do you practise, Mr. Stevens?"

Rachel heaved a mental sigh of relief. They had at least got through without the Chloe episode coming up, which she was as anxious as Ross not to have mentioned. In the end they parted politely enough, and Elizabeth left with her father. But Rachel was uneasily aware that she had probably alienated Paul by her interventions on Ross's behalf, though he did say that he would call her. But this did not worry her as much as it would have done before the dinner. She had seen a real streak of meanness in the way he seemed to enjoy sticking it to Ross.

"If he doesn't call, it won't break my heart," she said firmly to herself as she started to walk beside Ross. It was a fine night and they had decided to walk together, since their apartments were so close.

"What's that, Rachel?" Ross said in a friendly tone.

"I said, if he doesn't call, it won't break my heart," she said lightly. "I don't think he treated you at all well."

"It was nice of you to go to bat for me like that, Rachel," Ross said. "I really appreciate it. I gotta admit, the guy makes me nervous, and when I'm nervous I come out with all kinds of dumb stuff."

"You do, don't you?" she said sympathetically. "Well, I got a little mad. Anyone can see, you're not like that." Having said this a little more warmly than she thought was wise, she quickly added, "As the prom video showed, you were still pretty much a geek in those days." She glanced at him mischievously.

Ross did not rise to the bait, but chuckled. "Yeah, looking back, I was, wasn't I? I like to think I've improved."

"Oh, you have," she said, again more enthusiastically than she had intended. "If you could just cut down on the dinosaurs a bit …"

Ross chuckled again, but then said quietly, "I, they're my _career_. I have to take them seriously, to be up to date on them and everything connected with them – just like you have to be up to date on fashion."

That struck her; she had never really thought about it like that.

"Uh-huh, I hear you," she said. "But I bet things don't change as fast in the world of dinosaurs as in fashion."

"Yeah, but they _do_ change," he said earnestly. "New finds, new interpretations of old finds, new theories … That's what makes it so interesting. It wouldn't be half so much fun to study if everything was cut and dry."

Rachel had always liked it when Ross showed enthusiasm. "Okay, professor Geller, you sold me," she said lightly.

They walked on in harmonious silence for a while. Then Ross said, "So, what do you think of Elizabeth?"

Rachel considered her answer seriously. She did not want to alienate Ross, nor to give him the wrong idea, again, but there were things that needed to be said.

"She's a sweet kid," she said, with a slight emphasis on the word "kid". "But, Ross, aren't you worried that you'll get into trouble with the U for dating a student? I'd hate to see you lose your job over something like that. Because, okay, it's fun, and I can certainly see the appeal of knowing someone so much younger than you is happy to date you, but do you really think this is gonna go somewhere?"

After a silence Ross replied, "Does it have to?"

Rachel sighed, and felt she would have to go over ground she had already covered with Monica. "Ross, I know you. Remember, you were thinking a family and a house for us when we'd only been dating six weeks. You may not think so now, but in your heart you always want your relationships to go somewhere serious. Look at Emily."

"I'd rather not," said Ross bitterly.

"Okay, but she proves my point," Rachel said. "Do you really see yourself going on dating Elizabeth while she graduates and gets a job and all that?"

Ross was silent for quite a while after that. Finally he said, "Well, you know, if it's a choice between dating Elizabeth and not dating anyone, it's, it's not a hard choice to make."

Rachel sighed again. "It shouldn't be so hard for you to get dates, Ross. You have a lot going for you. And anyway, there's still the point, which is a serious one, about risking your job, maybe your whole career."

This time Ross did not reply at all, and he said no more except a curt "Good night" when they parted to go to their apartments.

-----

Endnote: As those familiar with this season will perceive, I have made a major departure from the show's storyline here; expect more of these.


	4. Chapter 4

Chapter 4

Author's Note: I apologise profusely for having taken so long to update this. Various other projects, especially my collaboration with Jana on The One With the Renaissance Faire, have taken up my writing time over the past weeks. Thanks to Jana for beta work on this.

The more I contemplate them, the more I feel that the episodes of the show in late Season 6 and early Season 7 contain some of the dumbest, most typically "sitcom" sub-plots and behaviour, including examples of the increasingly crude portrayals of the characters that bedevils later Friends seasons. I do not feel I want to spend any time on attempting to adapt much of this material into my storyline. So I will continue to depart radically from the developments in the show, including – and I apologise to Mondler fans for this – in the matter of how Chandler and Monica become engaged (the proposal scene is very romantic and touching, but what precedes it? Ugh).

At present, I intend that there will be only one chapter after this.

I have lifted something that Rachel says from The One With Monica's Thunder (7,1), but used it in a different context.

-----

"No, Paul hasn't called," said Rachel to Monica, a little snappishly, "and frankly, I could care less."

"But you were so enthusiastic about him at the start," Monica protested.

"That was before the dinner party," said Rachel. "His behaviour then has made me think, maybe it's not just bad luck that he has no woman in his life. Maybe women he's dated have seen him pull stuff like he did that night, and didn't like it."

Monica smiled at her affectionately. "Ross was singing your praises, about how you defended him. Thanks, Rach. Sometimes he needs all the help he can get."

Rachel grinned. "Well, it's nice that he's ready to acknowledge it. But he seemed a bit uptight when I gave him my honest opinion about his relationship with Elizabeth, while we were walking home."

Monica sighed and rolled her eyes. "So, like me you don't think there's any future in this relationship?"

Rachel sighed also. "I bet a lot of people would think I'm prejudiced, but ... no, I don't. And what worries me is, he's risking his career. I guess Paul is holding off from calling the University authorities because he knows it would upset Elizabeth, but suppose Ross did something that made Elizabeth unhappy ..." She mimed someone picking up a phone and tapping in a number.

"Okay," said Monica decisively. "I think we all feel the same way. Next chance I get, I'm gonna confront Ross over this. It's gone on long enough."

-----

Rachel was there when Monica did finally confront Ross, but she did not involve herself, being more concerned to find guests to take to her boss's charity event. She was not surprised that Ross was unwilling to listen to them, after her experience with him. In any case, this paled into insignificance compared with the knowledge that Chandler was about to propose to Monica. When, later, she returned from the charity event, feeling a bit strained because of Joey's idiotic behaviour over the boat, she immediately went over to Chandler and Monica's apartment, eager to hear all about it. Everyone but Ross was there already, but she did not at first notice how Chandler in particular was not looking at all happy, and it required Phoebe's intervention to head her off from saying something that would reveal the whole thing to Monica. Then, finally, she perceived that Monica did not have the ring on her finger; obviously, something had gone wrong. She was sure that Monica must have thought her behaviour strange, but she did not ask any awkward questions. Instead, she told them her piece of interesting news, which was that Ross had decided, after all, that Elizabeth was too young for him and he did not see a future with her.

"He seems to have walked into a water balloon fight," she said, "which got him thinking."

"Cool!" said Joey enthusiastically. "Um, did he say, were they wearing bikinis?"

Monica groaned audibly. "Rachel, take him away. I can't handle Joey's porny fantasies tonight."

"C'mon, Joey, let's go relax," said Rachel. She seized his arm and more or less forced him out of the apartment. Once the door was closed she said fiercely, "What went wrong? Because clearly something did."

"Richard showed up at the restaurant," said Joey, pulling a face, "with a date. But they sat next to Chandler and Monica, and he never got an opportunity to do his stuff."

"You guys didn't give her any idea about what was supposed to happen, did you?" Rachel said. "It's lucky Phoebe headed me off."

"Well, she may be suspicious," Joey said, "but Chandler has a plan to throw her off. He's going to pretend he never wants to get married, can't see the point."

Rachel looked dubious. "That's ... sort of like Chandler, but will she buy it? After all, it's not like he acts totally scared of commitment any more. Hell, there was even the time when they were having that fight, and he actually proposed to her."

"Well, I'm gonna help him out," said Joey with a smirk of pride. "I guess, between us we can fool her."

"Mmm ... okay," said Rachel, but she still didn't feel entirely easy about it.

It was at breakfast the next morning that Rachel learned that Ross had definitely broken up with Elizabeth. This gave her decidedly mixed feelings. She was pleased to have been proved right in her assessment of the relationship, and relieved that Ross was no longer risking his job, but she could not help feeling sympathy for him, having to give up another relationship that he was taking quite seriously. Impulsively she decided to leave work early and go to Central Perk, in the hopes of talking with him before the others showed up. She knew he often dropped in early, not having the 9 to 5 schedule that he had followed when he was working at the Museum.

To her pleasure, he was there, looking at some journal while he drank a coffee. He smiled when he saw her, and shook his head with a rueful expression.

"You were right all along," he said. "She was just too young for me."

"Yeah, Monica told us," Rachel said. "I'm sorry – but I have to say, I'm also relieved, that you're not putting your job on the line any more."

He nodded. "There is that. Say, how are you getting along with Paul, anyway?"

"I'm not," she said. "He never called, after the dinner party."

Ross pulled a face. "I guess your standing up for me like that didn't go down too well with him. But I appreciated it, Rachel, I really did."

She gave a little shrug. "Well, you know, I'm glad I found out about him before I got in too deep." Suddenly she thought of a quip. "And there's another reason why getting out now is a good thing. Anyone can see, he would have been the father-in-law from hell."

Ross laughed in genuine amusement. Their eyes met, and held for a moment. There was a degree of affection in his glance that made her feel quite unsettled. But then he seemed to become selfconscious and dropped his glance.

"Hey, isn't this just too bad, about Chandler failing to propose?" she said, hastily trying to divert their attention to a different topic.

"Yeah," said Ross. "You know, Chandler only just stopped me saying something that would have given the game away entirely."

"Phoebe had to head me off," Rachel said, "and it's a wonder Monica hasn't caught on."

"Mm." Ross looked thoughtful. "I wonder if she does suspect something now."

"Oh, Joey told me Chandler had a plan, to like throw her off the scent," Rachel said. "He's going to go around pretending he's not interested in marriage at all."

"What?" Ross sat up straight on the couch, staring at her. He looked shocked.

"Yeah," said Rachel rather uncertainly. Ross's reaction crystallised the unease she was feeling. "According to Joey, he's gonna be saying stuff about not seeing the point of marriage, and Joey will back him up. I, I'm not sure this is a good plan, Ross. I mean, suppose she believes him, and gets mad?"

Ross rose to his feet, looking resolute. "It's a _horrible _plan. Do you think Chandler's got back from work yet?"

"I'll call him," said Rachel, pulling out her cell phone. She called the apartment, but no one answered.

"He might be on his way down here," said Ross, "or he might be hanging out with Joey."

He was giving off a sense of urgency and determination that Rachel liked. "I'll call Joey," she said, and did so.

"Yo," said Joey, answering.

"Is Chandler there, Joey?" Rachel asked.

"He sure is," Joey said. "Where are you, in Central Perk? We were just about to come down."

Ross had been close enough to listen in. "Tell them to stay right there," he said. "What I have to say to Chandler should not be said in a public place like this."

"Stay there," Rachel said hastily. "We're coming up to talk to you." She closed her phone.

"Okay, let's go," said Ross, throwing some money down and making for the door. Adding some herself, Rachel hurried after him, interested to know what Ross would say. He seemed surprisingly worked up.

Ross charged straight into Joey's apartment, and looked very sternly at Chandler.

"This plan of yours, to keep Monica from any idea that you might be about to propose," he said abruptly. "It's a bad idea. Don't do it. In fact, I beg you not to do it." He sounded very much in earnest.

Chandler looked rather taken aback. "Mind telling me why?"

"You'll make her unhappy, thinking she's wasting her time with you," said Ross. "You'd do far better to be absolutely honest with her, Chandler. Believe me, she won't mind that you flunked it the first time. But she _will_ mind if you deliberately deceive her about your feelings."

Chandler was frowning. "You really think she'll care that much?"

"Uh-huh," Ross said. "Partly because I know my sister, but partly because I know only too well what can happen when you're not honest with the one you love." He turned to Rachel. "Um, um, you, uh, you might not want to hear this."

"No, say it, Ross," said Rachel. "I can take it. You know I've changed in my thinking about the past."

Ross looked reluctant, but nodded. "Well, okay. In a way it helps to have you here. So, so, what if I'd been honest, that time at the beach house, and told you that I had fallen asleep and never finished reading your letter? How do you think you would have reacted?"

Rachel took a moment to think. "The way I was then," she said slowly, "I guess I'd have been mad as hell."

"Yeah, that's what I think, too," he said. "But at least we'd have known where we stood. We could have talked it over – I would have tried to do that anyway – with that knowledge. Instead, I gave you this totally false impression, and I'll bet one reason why you were so mad at me when we broke up was because of that. And maybe you went on being mad at me for the same reason. Now, if I'd told you the truth, okay, probably we wouldn't have gotten together then, but there wouldn't be this kind of hangover of hurt feelings, and we might have had a chance to get together later."

Rachel had to concentrate quite hard to follow his argument, but thought she understood it. "Yeah," she said slowly. "You could be right."

"So," said Ross, turning to Chandler, "I blew it, because I wanted Rachel back so much I was willing to conceal the truth. You don't even have as good a reason as that: you just want it to be a perfect proposal. But, Chandler, I don't think Monica will care if it's perfect or not. She'll just be so happy that you have proposed. But if you kinda lie to her, you just don't know how she'll take it – but my guess is, badly."

Chandler was looking very serious, but evidently he could not resist making a flippant remark. "Well, it goes against all my principles, to be completely open like that," he said, "but I think you have convinced me, Ross. Okay, when Monica gets back from Allesandro's – "

"Chandler, go do it _now_," said Ross, pointing a finger at him and speaking very emphatically. "Because you know what? Surely Monica must have realised that something was going on last night, and she's been puzzling it over in her head ever since, and just for her peace of mind, if nothing else – "

"Okay, I got it, I got it!" said Chandler just a little impatiently. "I have the ring stashed, so I'll go find it – " He hurried out of the apartment.

"Way to go, dude!" said Joey, slapping Ross on the back. "Wanna go watch Chandler propose to Monica?"

"Absolutely not," said Ross sternly. "That should be totally private for them, Joey."

Joey looked crestfallen. "It's just ... they're my best friends ..."

"I understand, Joey," said Ross in a softer voice. "It's because you care about them so much. But you don't want Chandler to get all selfconscious, because he knows he's being watched, and maybe make a mess of it, do you?"

Joey shook his head.

"I bet we'll hear all about it anyway," said Rachel. After a moment's pause, she said, "Ross, have, have you been thinking about ... us ... a lot, then?"

"Uh-huh," said Ross. "When I'm really in a relationship with someone, it kinda goes away, but when I'm on my own, it comes back. And this time, with what you said to Paul, you brought it back anyway."

Rachel looked at him thoughtfully, and made a decision. "Let's go over the way, and talk about this," she said. "Joey, this is kinda private, okay, but it may not take long. We can come get you later, for drinks or food or something."

"I'm staying right here," said Joey. "I'm gonna call Chandler and tell him to let me know, as soon as he's done the deed. Just come back over and wait with me, when you're done talking."

Chandler was definitely gone when they entered the apartment, but he had left the door unlocked in his haste. They went in, and Ross looked at Rachel with an expression of interest.

"What did you want to say, Rachel?" he asked.

"This honesty thing," she said, sitting down on the couch and patting the seat next to her. "I, I guess I wasn't honest with myself about the feelings I still had for you, even after we broke up the second time. If I had been, if I'd even given you a hint about how I was feeling, deep down, maybe that whole Emily thing wouldn't have happened."

Sitting down beside her rather stiffly, as if he was uneasy being so close, Ross said, "Well, maybe. But you know, Rachel, I really did think we were over, and that I wanted to marry her."

Rachel shrugged, not wanting to pursue that. "I gave a pretty false impression about how far involved I was with Joshua, too."

"Well, after you came back from Greece you told me that you were still in love with me, but even after I'd broken with Emily I didn't try to follow it up," Ross said. "I kept telling myself, we were through. And you had that thing you kept trying to get going, with Danny."

"Oh God, don't remind me!" said Rachel, putting a hand over her eyes. "That was _so_ dumb! And then, before Vegas, well, all you seemed to want was sex – "

"That was dumb too," he said rather fiercely, "though it should have shown me, you were on my mind all the time. And, yeah, actually getting married, even though we were drunk as skunks ..."

They both snickered and shook their heads. "You know what I was so mad about?" Rachel said. "It was that the _only _reason you gave for wanting to stay married was that you didn't want to be Three Divorces Guy."

Ross nodded, looking rueful. "Yeah, I was totally in denial then. You know, Phoebe got me telling my story to this bunch of girls in Central Perk, and asked if they would date me even if they knew about my divorces, and one said no, because I was obviously still in love with you." He gave a little laugh. "I was so trying to deny it, even when Phoebe kept on at me about it. But she was right, and I'm gonna be honest again: that was behind offering to share my apartment with you."

Rachel sighed. "You know, Ross ... if you'd just said, right then, that you still had feelings for me, well ... I might have listened. But I wouldn't have wanted to stay married. That was another reason why I was mad ... getting married in that tacky way ..."

They looked at each other with growing understanding, two ex-lovers who had managed to stay friends despite everything. Ross moved his hand nervously, as if he wanted to reach out and hold Rachel's but was uncertain of her reaction. She gave her little cough, as if she was embarrassed about what had been said, or what she was thinking of saying. But before anything more could happen, Joey burst in.

"He did it, and she said yes!" he cried in great excitement. "They want us to go up there right away!"

* * * * *

"One of the waitresses led him in, with an ear-to-ear grin on her face," said Monica, who seemed almost ready to explode with excitement, "and he went down on his knee, right there in the kitchen, and asked me to marry him!" She leaned over and gave Chandler a smacking kiss on the cheek. "It was the most romantic thing ever!"

Chandler was beaming. "I was lucky that I found one of the staff that liked you, to get me in," he quipped.

"Oh, most of that has blown over," she said lightly. "We get along all right now, most of the time. Look, guys, I really have to get back to my kitchen, but can we meet later and celebrate? I would be so pleased if you could all be there."

They all nodded and smiled, really pleased to see her so happy.

"Maybe we could stay here and have dinner?" Joey suggested, waggling his eyebrows suggestively. "You could find something for us, couldn't you?"

"If there's a table free, sure," said Monica. "You can even be my guests," she paused significantly, "just so long as you don't eat enough for three people, Joey."

They all burst out laughing at Joey's chagrined expression. Then Monica gave Chandler a quick kiss and hurried back to work. Once she was out of hearing range, Chandler slapped Ross hard on the shoulder and said, "Ross, that was really _great_ advice. Look how happy she is."

Ross smiled modestly. "I'm glad it all worked out so well."

"So," said Chandler, "I'm gonna hang around. Even if they can't find us a table now, one should come free in a while, and I'm sure we can get something to drink while we wait. You with me, guys?"

"Yeah, sure," said Joey instantly.

"Uh-huh," said Phoebe, whose eyes seemed fixed on one of the bread baskets.

"How could I not be?" said Ross ebulliently. "My sister and my best friend!"

Everyone then looked at Rachel, who had not spoken. She seemed lost in thought, and her expression seemed serious.

"Rachel?" said Chandler questioningly.

She started. "What?"

"D'you wanna stay and see if we can get dinner here, or a drink at least?" he said.

"Oh ... well, yeah," she said with distinctly muted enthusiasm. "No sense in going away and coming back again. I just ... well, I guess I'm feeling a bit tired, is all."

Ross's attention was caught by her tone, which seemed almost melancholy, and he kept an eye on her from then on, while they waited for a table and then ate some of Monica's excellent cooking. It seemed to him that, even when they moved on to the Plaza, at Monica's suggestion, for celebratory champagne, Rachel was forcing herself to participate and show an appropriate level of gaiety. But after one drink she refused a second, and shortly thereafter she said that she really was feeling tired, and would like to go home.

"You don't want me falling asleep on you, do you?" she said to Monica. "Hey, if I go to bed now, I'll be in top form to start discussing all the wedding plans tomorrow."

Monica had seemed a little put out that Rachel wanted to leave early, but at this she brightened up.

"Sure, sweetie, sure," she said cheerfully. "You go get some rest."

"I'll come with you," Ross said. "We can share a cab." Turning to Chandler and Monica, he said apologetically, "Teaching first thing tomorrow, you know – and I'm behind on my grading, so I'll have to get up early."

"Yeah, go on, Ross," said Monica. "You never did have my stamina." She grinned at him wickedly.

Ross refused to rise to the bait, and after Monica had made it clear that he wasn't expected to pay anything, he left an appropriate tip for the waitress and escorted Rachel out.

"Thanks, Ross," said Rachel gratefully when they were outside. "I really appreciate this."

"No problem," said Ross, waving down a cab. "I do have teaching and grading to do, just not as early as I suggested." He grinned. "I'm not a great one for doing a lot of drinking after I've had a good dinner."

"Me neither," said Rachel, smiling at him. "I always liked that about you."

Once in the cab, she seemed to go into an introspective mood again. After a while, he said, "Rachel, is anything wrong? You've seemed sort of ... quiet tonight."

"You noticed," she said, with a ghost of a smile. "Well, you know what? I'm happy for Monica, and Chandler too, but also just a little bit sad."

"Why's that, Rach?" he said softly.

Rachel sighed deeply. "Monica getting married," she said slowly, not looking at him, "just reminds me of the fact that I'm not. I'm not even close." She turned an unsmiling face to him. "You know how long it's been since I had a good date, even?" she said rather sharply, then turned away again. After a moment she swiped at an eye with one hand, muttering something about damned eyelashes.

Ross knew she did not really want an answer. As they sat there in silence, he did some serious thinking, and arrived at a conclusion. He checked out of the window to see how close they were – this was not something he wanted to be stopped in the middle of, because they had arrived – decided that he had time, squared his shoulders, and cleared his throat in such a marked manner that she turned to look at him, an expression of mild interest on her face.

"Uh, Rachel, there's this, this movie I'd like to see," he said. "I, I wondered," his confidence grew as she remained apparently attentive, "whether you'd like to join me – just for company," he added hurriedly. "I, uh, I don't like to see movies alone."

"Well, Ross," she said gently, "you should remember my tastes. Would I like it?"

"It, it's foreign," he conceded, "but it _is_ a love story."

Rachel smiled at him. This was the old Ross, the Ross she remembered, the Ross who sometimes came into her dreams, even.

"Sure, Ross," she said. "I think I'd like that."

"And, and," he seemed to become nervous again, "maybe we could have something to eat afterwards?"

She nodded. "Sounds like a plan."


	5. Chapter 5

Chapter 5

Author's Note: Well, here it is, the end of another story. It may seem a bit abrupt, but I don't want to get involved in trying to integrate and make sense of the foolish subplots that infest Season 7, or have to deal with the nearest thing Rachel has to a relationship after Ross, i.e. Tag. I have taken them both beyond that level, I hope. My thanks to Jana for her beta work and enthusiastic response; I hope you like it.

Various things said below derive from dialogue in Episodes 7,1 and 7,4.

-----

Rachel sat opposite Ross, admiring the deftness with which he handled his chopsticks. There was no denying, sometimes Ross was a total klutz, but he had certainly mastered this skill. Of course, Julie had been the one to teach him, but that was so long in the past, the memories of the pain that relationship caused her no longer had power to hurt. She and Ross had been through so much since then, and that time, at least, he had no idea that he was hurting her. Unconsciously, she sighed, as she remembered the time when they were first dating and had eaten in Chinese restaurants several times, and always she loved to watch him use chopsticks.

Ross looked up. "Everything okay, Rachel?"

She smiled at him. "Oh, sure. I was just ... remembering something."

"How did you like the movie?" he asked, with a little grin.

"It was ... interesting," she said. "I kind of liked it. Of course, I was ready for subtitles this time."

He grinned again and nodded, recognising the reference to their first date.

A sudden thought came to her. "You know, Ross, we've been through so much together, I think it would make quite a movie."

He looked at her seriously, saying nothing for a moment as he chewed. After swallowing, he took a drink of beer, and then said, "But there's a difficulty here, don't you think? There's no ending."

She considered that. Yes, you couldn't have a love story, a romance, without an ending. It might be happy, or sad, or even tragic, but it shouldn't just ... fizzle out. She felt a keen pang of pain in her heart as the thought struck her that this was what the story of herself and Ross might well do, had even given every sign of doing more than once. Suddenly she found that thought almost unbearable. The time when they were dating had been the happiest time of her life, at least until Ross got all paranoid over Mark. She realised, she had never come close to feeling as happy since. More satisfied with her life as her career began to develop, yes – but not as happy. She sighed again. Was there no way to combine the two?

"Something's on your mind," Ross observed, and she saw that he had been watching her.

She was beginning to feel more and more that she really needed to talk about all this with him, but still she hesitated, and searched round for another topic to divert them.

"Say there was a movie of our lives," she said. "You know a lot about the movies. Who do you think should play us?"

He looked a little surprised, then intrigued. "Um ... interesting. Well, despite the way it starts, I don't think you should be played by Julia Roberts like in The Runaway Bride." He was grinning in the way he did when he thought he had made a successful joke.

She offered him a token laugh, but did not quite like this teasing reference, though that particular episode in her life was long ago. In a moment she had an answer.

"Well, I don't think you should be played by that guy in Jurassic Park, either."

He acknowledged this with a little grin. "Sam Neill," he said. "Okay, why don't you pick the actress you'd like to play you?"

"Natalie Wood, like in West Side Story," she said, naming a performance she had always thought wonderfully romantic.

He put on a judging expression. "Mmm, no," he said. "For one thing, she's dead, and for another, I'd think someone like Natalie Portman would be a better choice, or ... or Courteney Cox, maybe."

"They look nothing like me," she protested.

"Well, neither did Natalie Wood," he pointed out. "Hey, if she doesn't have to look like you, how about someone really hot, like Angelina Jolie?" He was smirking.

She shook her head decisively. "She's not my style at all, and as an actress she's far too intense. Look at those performances in Gia and Girl, Interrupted." She thought again, struggling to recall the leads in movies she had seen recently.

"Hey, I have someone who even looks a bit like you," he said. "Reese Witherspoon – or ... yeah, how about Goldie Hawn?"

She considered. "Goldie when she was at her best, maybe, but I'd prefer Reese. Now, how about you?" Suddenly she had an inspiration for a dig at him. "What about Walter Matthau?" she said, with a mischievous look.

He laughed, but it seemed a little forced. "I'm not that grouchy, am I? And not that wrinkly, either."

She shook her head. "It was just a joke."

Now he was looking thoughtful. "You know, maybe we're going about this the wrong way. What we need to pick is a couple, like in some of those classic movies – like Spencer Tracy and Katharine Hepburn, say."

"I'd rather be Audrey Hepburn," she said.

"Then I could be Gregory Peck," he said, puffing up a little in pride. "Of course, for real classic romance you can't beat Casablanca."

"Yeah," she said uncertainly, "but that ends sadly, and it's all so serious." She put her finger on what was bothering her. "Okay, we had sad moments, really sad, but if you think about it, in some ways the story of you and me is more like a comedy."

He looked taken aback.

"Oh, come on, Ross!" she said a little impatiently. "That first night, when I couldn't stop myself giggling. The beach house thing, when I expected you to read an eighteen page letter at five thirty in the morning. The whole Vegas thing. Okay, these could make us mad at the time, but looking back,. don't you think they were kinda funny?"

"Mmm." Ross nodded slowly, looking thoughtful. "Yeah, I guess. Okay, comedies ... Jack Lemmon and Shirley Maclaine in the Apartment? But that had a very serious side." Then it was as if he'd had a flash of inspiration. "I have it – only one of the funniest movies ever." He spread his hands as if making an offering to her. "Some Like It Hot, with Marilyn Monroe and Tony Curtis." He was grinning all over his face.

She burst out laughing, enjoying the joke. Yes, they really had liked it hot when they were in the mood. Ross laughed with her, looking pleased.

"And it has one of the best payoff lines in the entire history of movies," he said.

She tried to remember, and shook her head. "Remind me."

"It's when Jack Lemmon's character finally tells this rich guy Osgood who's been romancing him when he was in drag, and it had gone so far that they got engaged, that he can't marry him because he's a man. Joe E. Brown, who plays Osgood, just smiles and says, 'Well, nobody's perfect'."

Rachel laughed even harder than before, now remembering the scene more clearly. Ross laughed too. Their eyes met, and for a moment it was as if they had never broken up. There was that sense of intimacy. Then Ross calmed down and looked at her intently.

"What?" she said.

"You know, Rachel, that's something we could take right to heart," he said seriously. "Nobody's perfect."

"Yeah," she said uncertainly.

"When I had that high school crush on you, I thought you were perfect – " he began.

"I was a bitch," she interrupted. "A real high school princess. I hope I'm better now."

"You could be mean," he said, "but you stayed loyal to Monica, when most high school princesses would never have stayed friends with a fat girl. Anyway, my point is, I've learned a lot about you since, and ... well, okay, you're not perfect, but I still think very highly of you." He was looking a little embarrassed. "I have to say, I'm impressed by how you've gotten yourself a career. I'll be honest: I never thought you could do it."

"Why, thank you, Ross," she said, smiling because she knew he was trying to pay her a sincere compliment. "Now, I always knew you were really smart, so it doesn't surprise me that you've made dinosaurs into such a successful career. It's not what many men would want, but it fits you. You wouldn't be happy as some lawyer, or management guy, or even a doctor. I ... I'm glad you've made a success of it."

He smiled at her, one of those heart-stopping smiles he used to give her. "So, maybe we can respect each other's careers."

She nodded. "The world has a place for dinosaur experts ... and fashion experts."

"Yeah," he said. "That job is kinda made for you, too."

There was a little silence as they gazed at each other with real sympathy, their food forgotten. Rachel could see that Ross wanted to say something, guessed what it was, and decided he might need a little help.

"Ross, I am really enjoying tonight," she said, her voice a little unsteady.

"Me too," he said, and paused. Then his face took on a look of determination.

"Would you maybe like ... other nights like this?" he offered.

Slowly she nodded. "I think I would."

He smiled, less intensely, almost tenderly. "You know what? I think we should take it slow. Like, get used to each other again."

"Oh yeah," she said, quick to agree. "And, and maybe we should keep it from the others?"

"Yeah," he said decisively. "They wouldn't mean to, but they'd create a lot of pressure, getting all excited about us being together again, and that's just something we don't need. So, why don't we sneak around on them?"

Rachel giggled. "It could be fun. We'll have to come up with lots of cover stories."

"We can have planning meetings," he said, grinning. "Now, enough serious stuff. I aim to eat the rest of my food before it gets completely cold."

"Good idea," she said, digging into a heap of vegetables.

Ross walked her back to her apartment block later. They talked easily, speculating how manic Monica might become over wedding preparations and how Chandler would handle it, and what effect the two of them getting married would have on the whole group. When they reached the block entrance, Ross seemed to become nervous.

Rachel had already made a decision. "I don't want you to come in, Ross," she said in as kind a voice as she could manage. "I don't think we're there again, yet, and anyway it might tip off Joey."

"Oh yeah, it might," he said, in a way that suggested he hadn't thought of that. "But, well, uh, do I at least get a kiss?"

"Sure, Ross," she said affectionately, holding her arms open. "You get the end-of-date kiss."

It was a good kiss, so good that Rachel momentarily regretted not inviting Ross in. But she knew that this way was better, that as Ross said they should take it slow. There was a lot of ground to make up. That was the mistake she had made at the beach house, though it was understandable, because their relationship had broken so abruptly, leaving her, and surely Ross too, still mentally attuned to being together.

-----

And so Ross and Rachel began to go on dates secretly, visits to movies and plays, meals, even simple meetings for a drink or coffee. They were helped in keeping their secret by the fact that Monica's plans for the wedding were inevitably dominating the group's attention, not least through Monica's behaviour, even more manic at times than they had suspected. They kept to the ritual of an end-of-date kiss only, although more and more Rachel felt herself wanting to go further, and she knew perfectly well that this was what Ross wanted too. But he showed admirable restraint, which pleased her, because she saw it as indicating that he was so serious about wanting to get back together that he would do nothing that might upset the feelings of trust between them that were beginning to develop again.

Rachel spent a lot of time thinking about whether, after everything they'd been through, they could make it work this time. On the plus side, they knew each other very well, they had both matured a little and had each shown readiness to accept what was important to the other. On the minus side ... well, there were the memories of all the pain they had caused each other, intentionally or not. Would they really be able to put all that behind them? More and more she was beginning to feel that they could, that in fact they were already doing so. But still she hesitated on the brink, not totally sure. She felt she needed a sign, something to show that what she wanted was actually right for her.

Then, as so often happens, fate took a hand. To her delight, Ralph Lauren himself came to her office one day, praised her work, and offered her promotion to the post of merchandising manager for Polo Retail. This meant that she would be entitled to her own assistant, and at the suggestion of her old boss Kim she first interviewed Hilda, an older woman with much experience and a nice manner who seemed perfect for the job. She felt that she could work well with her, and was just wondering whether she really had to go through the hassle of interviewing anyone else, when there was a knock at the door and a gorgeous young man walked in, saying, "Hello?"

For a moment she was stunned, then recovered sufficiently to realise that he must be a model and tell him that their place was down the hall. But he said that he was there about the assistant job and handed her a resumé. Still in something of a daze, she managed to get his name, Tag Jones, and tried to take in the resumé, which seemed very skimpy.

"I know I haven't worked in an office before," Tag said apologetically, "and I really don't have a lot of experience, but I'm a goal-oriented person, very eager to learn ..."

"Uh huh," she said. She had to admit, his innocent enthusiasm was really adorable. If she had been five years younger, she would have done almost anything to get a date with him. But while it would be great to have such eye-candy around the office, she would find it distracting, and she could do without that, in a new job. She gave a little sigh.

"I'm sorry, honey," she said, "but you're just too late."

"You've chosen someone already?" he said in surprise.

"Ah ... no," she said, a little off balance. She had not meant to say that. "I, uh, I was thinking of ... something else. But, what it is, well," she gave him her best sympathetic smile, "this is a job in which experience is gonna count."

He put a brave face on it. "Oh well," he said, "it was worth a try."

"Yeah, sure," she said. "Keep trying, Tag. Hey, if you want a job in fashion, why don't you try your luck down the hall? I bet they'd hire you."

He shook his head. "I don't want to be a model, " he said a little petulantly. "Well ... thanks anyway."

He left, looking crestfallen, and she sighed again. She hated making such a pretty boy look sad. But she bet herself he wouldn't get out of the building without someone taking an interest. At least he might get offers of dates, for the Ralph Lauren girls were fairly upfront about asking guys out, figuring it was the quickest way to find out if someone was gay, as they so often were in the fashion industry.

As she went to meet Ross that evening, she felt surprisingly light-hearted, and for a moment wondered why. Then she knew: she had done the right thing. She had acted like an adult. And there it was, a good reason for rejecting Tag. He could only be in his early twenties, not long out of college. He looked like a boy still. But she was a grown woman, approaching thirty. And that, she decided, was why it would be right to get back with Ross. He was a man, not a boy, with responsibilities beyond himself.

Feeling even better, she quickened her pace, suddenly feeling eager to see him.

Later, as they came to the end of a very animated dinner, Ross said rather diffidently, "Rachel, how about we go back to my place for coffee? I can make it as good as anything we're likely to get here."

She could see the hope in his eyes. They had shared many intimate glances in the course of the meal, and obviously he hoped that they had reached a point where he could invite her in.

She smiled and said cheerfully, "Sure, why not?"

Later still, she lay in his arms, feeling utterly relaxed. Ross had not lost his touch.

"You always were great at the stuff, you old professor you," she said lovingly, turning her head to give him a little kiss on the neck.

He chuckled happily. "You inspire me," he said. "Of course, you're great at it too."

"Of course," she said, and snuggled against him, relishing all the sensations of being in bed with him that she had gone without for so long.

"Uh, Rachel," he said a little while later, "did something happen? I mean, up until now you've kept me at arms' length – "

"And you've respected that," she broke in, "which I've been very happy about. Yeah, you could say something happened ..."

She told him about Tag, commenting lightly at the end, "And I realised, since I can't seem to get over you, it just makes sense to get back with you."

He seemed to stiffen just slightly, and when she turned to him, he looked a little unhappy.

"Just a joke, honey," she said, kissing him rather more firmly at the corner of his mouth. "I've actually been wanting this for weeks; I just needed something to, to push me."

He pulled her round into his arms. "Are we back, then?" he said, his voice seeming to tremble a little.

"Yeah," she said. "Welcome back, Ross."

His arms tightened round her, and before she knew it she was being kissed very eagerly. With a chuckle of delight, she threw herself into more wild lovemaking, this time ending up lying on top of him, gazing lovingly into his eyes, in which she was happy to see equal love reflected back.

"Should we ... tell the others?" he said in a while.

She thought about that. "I'm actually getting quite a bang out of keeping it hidden," she said. "I think I understand why Chandler and Monica found it so exciting. And, you know, if we tell, all the attention will be on us, and that will piss Monica off, more than likely, and I don't want that. She deserves to have the attention on her."

"Yeah," he said, "I agree on both counts. So, let's see how long we can keep it hidden, shall we?"

"Yeah, let's," she said, then, "Wow – Roooss!!!"

"We have a lot of lost time to make up for," he said, in a voice full of happiness, as his hands once again began to squeeze her ass and caress her hips excitingly, "and now I have you here, I'm not gonna let you go until we've made a really good start on that."

"Fine with me, professor," she said, feeling so light-hearted she might float away at any moment. "That's absolutely fine with me."


End file.
